...this is the blog of Van Diesel, a wonderful white soccer-mom van that is sometimes mislabeled as a shady vehicle. Sure, you may say that I’m getting older, but you know, I think I’m getting better with age. By now, I’ve gotten my wheel radius and my parallel parking skills down to a fine science. But I will admit that I don’t know how much longer I’ll last, especially the way I’m driven. With that in mind, I guess it’s time I share my life story with the vast realm of the internet—my memoir, if you will. It is, after all, necessary to create my autobiography, seeing as I am so important and all.
I'm not too thrilled with being a college van. I spend a ridiculous amount of time in a low-celinged garage, which means I can't really flaunt my abilities as a motor vehicle. Back in my day, I was racing fancy sports cars, leading cocky teenagers right into their inevitable speeding tickets. I still love this activity, but since we've gotten a few speeding tickets ourselves, we have to drive like a grandma now to stay out of trouble. That's alright though; it was bound to happen with all the driving we do.
Right now, my latest project is getting mentally prepared for Halloween. For me, Halloween is stupid; its just a demoralizing use of gasoline and battery power. In 2006, I carted around a bunch of teenagers still attempting to trick-or-treat. You're sixteen--give it up already! We were Homestar Runner characters that year, which left remnants of glitter and paint smashed into my fine velvet. They decorated me, against my will of course, and put on showcase in a "trunk-or-treat." I was humiliated with flashing lights, blinking bat-eyes, disco balls, cobwebs, etc. I had pumpkins and candy rolling around for weeks. Embarrassing, no?
It always seems that I am volunteered to do something ridiculous, so we'll see what this one's like. I think I'm going to be a rock star van this year, which could go either way. My stellar good looks could actually be hip for this one, granted if done right. Pictures to follow, I suppose. But fair warning--blow out my speakers, and just see what happens...
